Sunday, July 23, 2017
"Hard" is a Relative Term
So often in the last few months of Bob's life someone commented to me about how hard things must be, and I guess they were. But they are much harder now. What made it easier then was that he was here with me; we were sharing each other's struggles and sadness about the effects of Alzheimer's disease on both of us. And that made a huge difference, still sharing everything. We also still spent our life together. Still enjoyed sunsets and moon rises over the mountains, and the walks we took in the park or woods. We still held hands, still shared our morning coffee, still hugged and kissed every morning and every night. We could still enjoy time with Esperanza and our grand kids, still laugh together at their antics, and delight in their newfound abilities. We were still a couple and felt each other's loving presence in so many unspoken ways. Now, in the absence of sharing, this season is so much harder than all the hard days and nights of his illness.
Tuesday, July 18, 2017
"First Hike"
There have already been many "firsts" without Bob's presence, and today was another one. It was my first time to hike again the trail that became one of our favorites because it was close to town yet on a mountainside. The last time we hiked that trail, over a year ago, Bob fell twice. After that, I was afraid to take him on any mountain hikes unless they were on wide (two-track) paths with no chance of falling over the edge. This morning, Esperanza invited me to join her on it. It felt good to be there again and brought back many happy memories of hiking it with Bob, and also with her and the grand kids along a couple of times. It also felt good to exert myself so much again. It's been a long time since I've been able to challenge myself as much; I had scaled back to whatever worked for Bob.
Saturday, July 15, 2017
Looking Back after Two Weeks
Today is July 12, 2017. Two weeks ago yesterday, I lost my best friend, beloved companion and partner, my husband, my Bob. The last two weeks of his life (June 12-27, 2017) he spent at Taos Retirement Village Medical Center. He walked in there with me, intending to stay 5 days to give me a respite. But Alzheimer's disease had other plans and began intensifying its grip, disabling him more each day. To save money, I briefly considered taking him to a VA-contracted facility in Albuquerque, but am so grateful I decided against that. I wanted to keep him here, as close to home, to Esperanza and the kids, and to our friends as possible. I am so grateful I made that decision.
During those last weeks, he was able to enjoy visits from friends—Donna and Steve, Janice, Rose (who spent the bulk of two different days with him), Kathleen and Genny. Because he was here, he also had visits with Esperanza and the kids who colored pictures for him and gave him hugs and kisses and told him they loved him. And because he was in the nursing center, I was able to focus again on being his wife and best friend. We were able to share quiet evening walks, to attend an opera performance on the Village grounds, to listen to music, and even to dance one more time when a local folk music group performed at the Center. One evening I played the piano and sang for him. While he was still eating, we shared meals at a “table for two.” As he drifted off to sleep at night, I could sit and hold his hand, sometimes I would also sing to him. More than once, we had a whole day of just being together, enjoying each other's company while listening to our favorite CD's. In a very real way, the Nursing Center became “our home” for those two weeks. We were surrounded by love and care, and we were able just to “be” together. We were “at home” with each other to the end.
During those last weeks, he was able to enjoy visits from friends—Donna and Steve, Janice, Rose (who spent the bulk of two different days with him), Kathleen and Genny. Because he was here, he also had visits with Esperanza and the kids who colored pictures for him and gave him hugs and kisses and told him they loved him. And because he was in the nursing center, I was able to focus again on being his wife and best friend. We were able to share quiet evening walks, to attend an opera performance on the Village grounds, to listen to music, and even to dance one more time when a local folk music group performed at the Center. One evening I played the piano and sang for him. While he was still eating, we shared meals at a “table for two.” As he drifted off to sleep at night, I could sit and hold his hand, sometimes I would also sing to him. More than once, we had a whole day of just being together, enjoying each other's company while listening to our favorite CD's. In a very real way, the Nursing Center became “our home” for those two weeks. We were surrounded by love and care, and we were able just to “be” together. We were “at home” with each other to the end.
Thursday, June 29, 2017
His Love-Filled Life
Robert James “Bob” Bournique, 81, died Tuesday, June 27 due to Alzheimer's disease, after living a very full life. He was born on November 16, 1935 in Butler, Pennsylvania, the 6th child of Louis and Frances Bournique. As a young man, he served as a Navy pilot flying off the carrier USS Independence. He survived ejecting from his plane over the Mediterranean Sea in December 1960 when his engine quit and his parachute failed to open. After six years in the Navy, he completed a degree in Industrial Engineering at the University of Cincinnati. Then, after some years as a commercial pilot selling Piper airplanes, Bob became an FBI agent serving in Boston, Detroit (where he was part of the team working on the disappearance of Jimmy Hoffa), and Marquette, Michigan.
It was in Marquette that he met and married his wife Caryl. In their 31 years of marriage, they opened their own home as a homeless shelter for five years, and adopted two children from Colombia, South America. Bob was a lector, eucharistic minister and 7th grade religion teacher at St. Michael's Church. In 1986 he completed the diocesan lay ministry training and became a pastoral associate at St. Mary's Church in Big Bay, MI where he was a monthly homilist. He volunteered at the Marquette Branch Prison and at the St. Vincent de Paul food pantry. His activism with the Marquette peace community eventually led to his resigning from the FBI for reasons of conscience. His final career path was as a licensed practical nurse for ten years, the occupation that he enjoyed most.
Bob was a lover of the outdoors. He hiked, biked, skied, snowshoed, camped, canoed and fished. He shared all these passions with his wife and family. Bob was also an excellent cook, famous among family and friends for his home-made pasta and pizza. His greatest passion, though, was loving and serving others. Numerous people were blessed by his generosity. His quiet personality was rooted in a deeply reflective and spiritual outlook that made him quick to respond to others' needs. His spiritual path included daily meditation both at home and at the Lake Superior Zendo. He often remarked that his prayer was "to become a better lover." Those who knew him described Bob as gentle, reflective, dedicated, sweet, and kind. At his last residence, Taos Retirement Village Medical Center, he was known for his bright smile.
Bob's greatest joy was his marriage to Caryl and their life together, especially becoming parents and then grandparents. He delighted in time spent with family and always made that his priority. It was in order to be part of the lives of their grandchildren that he and Caryl moved from Marquette, MI to Taos, NM in April 2011, shortly after receiving the diagnosis of Alzheimer's disease.
Bob was preceded in death by his parents, two older sisters (Mary Lou Campbell and Virginia Thompson), a younger sister (Frances Gay), and both his brothers (Louis and Jacque). He is survived by his wife Caryl of El Prado, NM; son Fabio of Marquette, MI; daughter Esperanza of El Prado and three grandchildren—Frankie, Hope and David--each of whom brought joy to his heart and smiles to his face. He is also survived by three sisters: Ann Bykowski of Red Hill, Pennsylvania; Barbara Richards of Lake Wales, Florida; and Bette Bournique of Costa Mesa, California, as well as by 14 in-laws who consider him a brother; numerous nieces, nephews,great nieces, great nephews; and countless friends.
Celebrations of Bob's life will be arranged in the coming weeks.
It was in Marquette that he met and married his wife Caryl. In their 31 years of marriage, they opened their own home as a homeless shelter for five years, and adopted two children from Colombia, South America. Bob was a lector, eucharistic minister and 7th grade religion teacher at St. Michael's Church. In 1986 he completed the diocesan lay ministry training and became a pastoral associate at St. Mary's Church in Big Bay, MI where he was a monthly homilist. He volunteered at the Marquette Branch Prison and at the St. Vincent de Paul food pantry. His activism with the Marquette peace community eventually led to his resigning from the FBI for reasons of conscience. His final career path was as a licensed practical nurse for ten years, the occupation that he enjoyed most.
Bob was a lover of the outdoors. He hiked, biked, skied, snowshoed, camped, canoed and fished. He shared all these passions with his wife and family. Bob was also an excellent cook, famous among family and friends for his home-made pasta and pizza. His greatest passion, though, was loving and serving others. Numerous people were blessed by his generosity. His quiet personality was rooted in a deeply reflective and spiritual outlook that made him quick to respond to others' needs. His spiritual path included daily meditation both at home and at the Lake Superior Zendo. He often remarked that his prayer was "to become a better lover." Those who knew him described Bob as gentle, reflective, dedicated, sweet, and kind. At his last residence, Taos Retirement Village Medical Center, he was known for his bright smile.
Bob's greatest joy was his marriage to Caryl and their life together, especially becoming parents and then grandparents. He delighted in time spent with family and always made that his priority. It was in order to be part of the lives of their grandchildren that he and Caryl moved from Marquette, MI to Taos, NM in April 2011, shortly after receiving the diagnosis of Alzheimer's disease.
Bob was preceded in death by his parents, two older sisters (Mary Lou Campbell and Virginia Thompson), a younger sister (Frances Gay), and both his brothers (Louis and Jacque). He is survived by his wife Caryl of El Prado, NM; son Fabio of Marquette, MI; daughter Esperanza of El Prado and three grandchildren—Frankie, Hope and David--each of whom brought joy to his heart and smiles to his face. He is also survived by three sisters: Ann Bykowski of Red Hill, Pennsylvania; Barbara Richards of Lake Wales, Florida; and Bette Bournique of Costa Mesa, California, as well as by 14 in-laws who consider him a brother; numerous nieces, nephews,great nieces, great nephews; and countless friends.
Celebrations of Bob's life will be arranged in the coming weeks.
Tuesday, June 27, 2017
A Collage for Bob's 70th
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Shocked and Disbelieving
Today, at about 2:50 pm, surrounded by family and friends, Bob died in my arms. Tonight I walk about the house knowing it's true but disbelieving. Memories rush over me. I almost hear the slap of his slipper on the tile floor. I see him bent over, tugging on his shoes. His smiling eyes gaze at me across the table. How I wish it were still true.
Monday, June 26, 2017
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