A Little Child Shall Lead

     Yesterday Hope and David were here for the bulk of the day because there was no school.  When Hope and I sat down to eat breakfast together, I commented that it was nice to have someone to eat with because I usually eat alone now.  Hope looked up and asked, "Grandma, do you pretend that Grandpa is still here?"  I started to address the word "pretend," but then decided just to respond from her perspective.  "Yes, Hope, I do,"  I answered.  She had more questions:  "Do you pretend he is sitting in his chair at the table?"  "Do you pretend Grandpa is sleeping in bed with you?"  To each question, I responded affirmatively.
     Later in the day, as I returned to a game we were playing together, Hope surprised me with another profound question:  "Grandma, if you die, what will happen to all your stuff?"  I laughed a little and said something to the effect that it would mean someone was left with a big mess and a lot of work to do.  Then I said I am hoping not to die for a long, long time because I want to see what she and David and Frankie will be when they grow up.
     Besides being amazed at the maturity and depth of Hope's thought-processes, I am also touched that she reflects on what Bob's death has meant to me as well as what my dying might mean.  Additionally, I find myself reflecting on the timing of her questions--the beginning of the month of November, the month traditionally associated with death--All Saints' Day, All Souls' Day, the Day of the Dead, the dying of autumn and coming of winter.  I also feel a bit challenged by her second question--what will happen to all my "stuff"?  I know I need to be down-sizing and simplifying now because moving is definitely in my future.  It's a chore I've been putting off for months.  I know some of that procrastination can be excused because the grieving process itself takes a lot of energy.  But somehow, Hope's inquisitiveness has made me feel perhaps it's time to try to put a little more energy in the direction of down-sizing. Doing that, I also would be putting energy toward the Future.  I can almost hear Bob saying, "Yes.  Go on.  You can.  I am with you."