On days like this, I try to just "let it be" and not squelch my heart with thoughts like "Still?" or "When is this going to be over?" Somewhere along the line of my life, I must have absorbed the cultural taboos that set limits on grieving because even though I believe it's normal and healthy, I face those internal judgments from time to time.
Another hurdle in the process is how much energy grieving takes. Letting the tears flow, especially if they come from deep within, can be exhausting. And if it happens several times in a day? Well, not much else gets done that day!
Whether grief comes on a day that is busy or on one that stretches out ahead of me in unclaimed hours, it helps to remember these words from the writings of a grief counselor I've been reading this year:
"It's hard to understand until we ourselves experience our first Great Grief, but grief takes
time. It takes a LOT of time. It consumes whole chunks of our days and weeks. And as time
spools forward, it takes months and years for us to express, accommodate, and learn to live with.
But let's remind ourselves that grieving and mourning are two of the most meaningful
ways we can spend our time....Like its counterpart, love, grief requires time to dream, remember, reach for the infinite, and simply be. So let's not feel bad or guilty when grief consumes our days."
"Grief spikes are normal. Sometimes you can identify the trigger--a song, aroma, place etc.
Other times, there seems to be no immediate cause at all. Grief spikes don't need a trigger.
The grief resides in your heart, and is finding its way out, bit-by-bit....Every grief spike says,
'I loved you. I love you still.' The scar is a gift--a reminder of the blessing you had."
