Something new is happening, and unfortunately, with Alzheimer's disease "new" is not good. Yesterday while I was out, Bob spent a few hours with Jack, a hospice volunteer. They enjoyed some opera music, a cup of tea, watched a National Geographic DVD. Then, out of the blue, Bob became very upset and agitated and would have nothing more to do with Jack. At one point, Bob even took off but, fortunately, didn't go beyond the carport. Still, this gesture worried Jack who was rightly feeling responsible for Bob's safety and well-being. So Jack called me and I came back home as quickly as possible.
Bob was pretty uptight when I got there and it took another half-hour or so after Jack left for him to relax and be able to move on. We had a glass of wine together and then ate dinner, but I could sense that he was still not quite relaxed even by the time he went to bed. He even tried to signal me with hand gestures that he was feeling a bit "off."
Then this morning when I was trying to help him dress, as I always do now, he became agitated again, asking me several times "why are you doing this?" I kept trying to distract him (as all the literature suggests), but his agitation lasted for a good hour. Then all of a sudden he changed again and was ready to get dressed. Throughout the day, however, he was very restless. Whenever I was unavailable to do something with him, he was pacing the house and sighing heavily. We were able to get out for a few hours, ran a couple of errands, walked in the park, and then came home and did a bit of yard work. He seemed mostly to enjoy all of that activity, but once we were back home and I got busy with balancing the check book and fixing dinner, he resumed his restless pacing. I tried to help by putting on a PBS Great Performances concert, but he seemed unable to focus on that. He tried taking a nap but that didn't happen, either.
I know that Alzheimer's eventually begins to affect the emotional center in the brain. It causes people to lose emotional control. Some people become agitated and angry. Some laugh without obvious reason. Some cry. I can't help wondering if these episodes this weekend are signs that the disease process is deepening. It is a little scary to watch this play out in Bob, but even more, it is sad. I felt such compassion for him when I returned home yesterday because he was so troubled and couldn't begin to express why. How very frightening and lonely to feel something so intensely but not understand why nor be able to talk about it.
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